[Image Art by Peter Hansen – Unsplash.com]
‘Sport’ and Cruise!
-A Visit With Tim-
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[Doorbell rings]
“C’mon in, Tim! The door’s unlocked!”
[Doorbell rings again]
BR pulls the door open…
“Didn’t you hear me? I yelled that the door was unlocked.”
“The door wasn’t unlocked, BR.”
“Tim, I just opened the door to let you in. It was not locked.”
“Then there’s something wrong with your door, BR, because it would not open for me.” He shrugged. “Are we going to stand here and argue about your frigging door? Hell, maybe I didn’t push it hard enough.”
“Okay, let’s try it again, Tim. Go back out, ring the doorbell, and I’ll yell again, and you can push the door a bit harder this time…”
Tim wrinkles his eyes, dips his head, and asks, “Are you having sport with me, BR?”
“Am I ‘having sport with you’? Where the hell did you come up with that? Is that the same as, ‘you kidding me’?”
“Yeah, I’m sure it is. I heard someone use those words on the golf course today, and I liked the fancy way they sounded. Just trying it out on you, BR. It doesn’t hurt to learn new ways of saying things, am I right?”
“Well, I can’t imagine any of our steady friends not laughing their asses off hearing you say, ‘Are you having sport with me’?”
“You’re not laughing your skinny ass off. You are impressed with those words, BR. Admit it.”
“Oh, yeah, Tim, I’m all ‘gaga’ over those words. Let me apologize for my lack of gentility and respect for your newfound knowledge of word usage.”
“Hey, BR, you invited me over to talk about some damned thing and you’re killing me with your insults. What the hell’s going on?”
“Okay, okay, I’m backed into a corner and I don’t quite know what to do about it. Sit and sip your beer while I try to explain my predicament, and, believe it or not, you’ve already helped me a bit…”
“I’ll be thinking of you tonight when I’m up about a dozen times taking whizzes. We had a six-pack each at the golf club. I’ll drink your beer, BR, and I won’t make sport of you again. See, you learn a new word or a new phrase and use them. They then become part of your ‘lexicon’.” Tim paused for BR’s reaction.
With a big sigh, BR said, “Okay, I’m biting. What means lexicon?”
“Oh, I’m so glad you asked, BR. Lexicon is sort of like your vocabulary, like a dictionary of words you use for your communicating with people.”
“Well, that is a joy to know…and will the cum laude education you’re giving me today ever end? Look, Tim, I’m the guy you’ve known for lots of years, and I can live with the fact that you have better words at your disposal than I, but can we talk about what I asked you over to talk about?”
“Sure, BR Buddy, most of me was just kidding around and showing off… Go ahead and tell me what it is you want to talk about.”
“Okay, Julie won’t be home for another hour or so, but here’s the thing: her birthday is coming up in August, and I’m thinking about what to give her, you know, new dress, a big night out, or, now don’t flip out on me, a 7-day Caribbean Cruise, maybe a 14-day Caribbean Cruise. The idea just came to me, and I thought maybe, just, maybe, you and Annie might want to go along. Now, we have several weeks to book cabins and/or suites. I’ve got all the cost factors down…and, here’s the thing, Tim, I’m not saying here that I’m including your costs with mine. I just thought, being best husband and wife pals for years you might be up for it…”
“Holy Crapola! That’s gotta cost a mint, man. Yeah, I’ve got some fairly healthy savings, but I don’t know if Annie would go for it. Hell, we’re getting older as the time goes by so quickly. We die. The kids get the house and the money. Hell, why don’t we spend the money and let them cash out the house… I like the idea, BR. We’ve never done anything so extravagant before. Maybe it’s time. The ladies didn’t like it too much when we spent the money for the golf club membership, but I have a feeling they just might go for a Caribbean Cruise.”
“Are you as excited as you’re putting on, or, are you having sport with me? The other thing, Tim, the Cruise lines are hurting a bit after the pandemic and costs attached to that. We should be able to get some great ‘Suite Deals’… You want another beer?”
“I’ve got to deposit some used beer soon or bust, so, no, I’ll pass… It’s about time for Julie and Annie to get home. Let’s start working on them, BR.”
Tim left but not without a starboard bow passing shot:
“By the way, good buddy BR, there’s nothing wrong with the lock on your front door, so don’t go messing with it…I was just funning you. Bon Voyage, Pal, let’s get this package put together with the ladies…”
BR Chitwood – June 25, 2020
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