‘Sport’ and Cruise – A Visit With Tim

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‘Sport’ and Cruise!

-A Visit With Tim-

*

          [Doorbell rings]

“C’mon in, Tim! The door’s unlocked!”

                    [Doorbell rings again]

BR pulls the door open…

“Didn’t you hear me? I yelled that the door was unlocked.”

“The door wasn’t unlocked, BR.”

“Tim, I just opened the door to let you in. It was not locked.”

“Then there’s something wrong with your door, BR, because it would not open for me.” He shrugged. “Are we going to stand here and argue about your frigging door? Hell, maybe I didn’t push it hard enough.”

“Okay, let’s try it again, Tim. Go back out, ring the doorbell, and I’ll yell again, and you can push the door a bit harder this time…”

Tim wrinkles his eyes, dips his head, and asks, “Are you having sport with me, BR?”

“Am I ‘having sport with you’? Where the hell did you come up with that? Is that the same as, ‘you kidding me’?”

“Yeah, I’m sure it is. I heard someone use those words on the golf course today, and I liked the fancy way they sounded. Just trying it out on you, BR. It doesn’t hurt to learn new ways of saying things, am I right?”

“Well, I can’t imagine any of our steady friends not laughing their asses off hearing you say, ‘Are you having sport with me’?”

“You’re not laughing your skinny ass off. You are impressed with those words, BR. Admit it.”

“Oh, yeah, Tim, I’m all ‘gaga’ over those words. Let me apologize for my lack of gentility and respect for your newfound knowledge of word usage.”

“Hey, BR, you invited me over to talk about some damned thing and you’re killing me with your insults. What the hell’s going on?”

“Okay, okay, I’m backed into a corner and I don’t quite know what to do about it. Sit and sip your beer while I try to explain my predicament, and, believe it or not, you’ve already helped me a bit…”

“I’ll be thinking of you tonight when I’m up about a dozen times taking whizzes. We had a six-pack each at the golf club. I’ll drink your beer, BR, and I won’t make sport of you again. See, you learn a new word or a  new phrase and use them. They then become part of your ‘lexicon’.” Tim paused for BR’s reaction.

With a big sigh, BR said, “Okay, I’m biting. What means lexicon?”

“Oh, I’m so glad you asked, BR. Lexicon is sort of like your vocabulary, like a dictionary of words you use for your communicating with people.”

“Well, that is a joy to know…and will the cum laude education you’re giving me today ever end? Look, Tim, I’m the guy you’ve known for lots of years, and I can live with the fact that you have better words at your disposal than I, but can we talk about what I asked you over to talk about?”

“Sure, BR Buddy, most of me was just kidding around and showing off… Go ahead and tell me what it is you want to talk about.”

“Okay, Julie won’t be home for another hour or so, but here’s the thing: her birthday is coming up in August, and I’m thinking about what to give her, you know, new dress, a big night out, or, now don’t flip out on me, a 7-day Caribbean Cruise, maybe a 14-day Caribbean Cruise. The idea just came to me, and I thought maybe, just, maybe, you and Annie might want to go along. Now, we have several weeks to book cabins and/or suites. I’ve got all the cost factors down…and, here’s the thing, Tim, I’m not saying here that I’m including your costs with mine. I just thought, being best husband and wife pals for years you might be up for it…”

“Holy Crapola! That’s gotta cost a mint, man. Yeah, I’ve got some fairly healthy savings, but I don’t know if Annie would go for it. Hell, we’re getting older as the time goes by so quickly. We die. The kids get the house and the money. Hell, why don’t we spend the money and let them cash out the house… I like the idea, BR. We’ve never done anything so extravagant before. Maybe it’s time. The ladies didn’t like it too much when we spent the money for the golf club membership, but I have a feeling they just might go for a Caribbean Cruise.”

“Are you as excited as you’re putting on, or, are you having sport with me? The other thing, Tim, the Cruise lines are hurting a bit after the pandemic and costs attached to that. We should be able to get some great ‘Suite Deals’… You want another beer?”

“I’ve got to deposit some used beer soon or bust, so, no, I’ll pass… It’s about time for Julie and Annie to get home. Let’s start working on them, BR.”

Tim left but not without a starboard bow passing shot:

“By the way, good buddy BR, there’s nothing wrong with the lock on your front door, so don’t go messing with it…I was just funning you. Bon Voyage, Pal, let’s get this package put together with the ladies…”

BR Chitwood – June 25, 2020

*

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The Clock and the Car

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The Clock and the Car

-Some Scintillating Dialogue-

(Dedicated to John Howell – My Dialogue Hero!)

***

“What’s with the clock and hammer, Henry?”

“You don’t want to know, Helen!”

“You’re angry! Why are you angry? Stop walking, Henry! Talk to me! Your face is flushed!”

“I told you, you don’t want to know! Move! Out of my way!”

“My God! Henry, you’re going to crush the clock with the hammer? Henry, stop and talk to me!”

Back door slams!

 Guess he’s on one of his rampages! Why bother when he’s in these moods? He has to put his fire out! That’s the way He’s made, God help him!

I’m glad we have a few acres here – wouldn’t want neighbors hearing his pounding and yelling out there! Time for my ear plugs, Social Media and the reading room upstairs.

Poor Henry! In thirty minutes, or less, he will be all loving and sweet again, asking forgiveness for his fiery temper! I love him so much, and it is kind of a comical break to the day… He’s so darned predictable. I’m surprised he hasn’t hammered his laptop…he’s threatened often enough! Oh, well, Henry got his genes at a ‘pawn shop’ back room!

He’s so sweet most of the time! It’s that blasted meltdown he inherited from his father (he owned the pawn shop!). Papa Gregory died of an abdominal aneurism! Henry gets his regular medical tests for those ‘meanies’, but his doctor tells him each check-up all his systems are ‘go’!

It’s been about thirty minutes, and this book is just not wrapping me all up in its narrative. Henry has got me spoiled! He’s an author who can really paint several portraits in a book – he’s written fourteen, working on fifteen. If his anger with the laptop doesn’t kill him first!

Guess I better check on him! It’s really quiet all of a sudden! “Henry! Henry!” (Gotta get that stair-step creak nailed down!) “Henry, are you down here?”

Darn, forgot to take my earplugs out!

“Henry, why are you sitting all alone here in the living room?”

“Cause my mistress didn’t show up for our afternoon play-party! Why you asking? I’m relaxing, having a Willet on the rocks…it’s not Maker’s Mark but it gets the job done! Thought you were gone to the store?”

“And, why would you think that, Henry? Told you earlier I wasn’t going to the store until tomorrow.”

“Well, where did you go?”

“I’ve been upstairs in the library, reading, you old fool! Did you get over your anger spell with that clock?”

“Well, yeah, and I’m sorry about that…Time is just flying by! I look at the darned clock and it’s almost 5PM – it seems it ought to be still AM… don’t like clocks not even a little bit! But, hang on a doggone minute, Helen!”

Henry is finishing off his Willett on the rocks in one gulp and getting out of the LazyBoy in a big hurry!

“Now, where’re you going, Henry?”

“Just a minute, Helen!”

He’s going toward the front door!

“Henry, stop! Where are you going?”

He’s looking out the side window at the front door!

“Henry, will you please tell me what you’re doing?”

“Where’s the car, Helen?”

“In the driveway, Henry!”

“Sorry, hissy Helen. There is no car in our driveway!”

“Oh, My God, Henry! The car’s been stolen?!”

“I’m fixing myself another Willett on the rocks, sweet lady, while you talk to the police!”

“What are you mumbling under your breath, Henry? I can hear you here in the living room!”

“Take your best guess, sweetheart! Just keep dialing the phone…the police department, not, 911!”

“The phone is ringing, Henry, at the police department. Come, sit next to me on the love seat while I’m waiting for them to answer.”

“Afraid I might spill some of my Willett on you, Helen. ‘Ain’t’ going to lose a drop of this valuable stuff! You just get our car back!”

Billy Ray Chitwood – February 28, 2018

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Hearts Melt in the Snow

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Hearts Melt in the Snow

Mellowed by age, this ‘sunset’ heart still embraces the feelings that steal into its pulsing organ, that magic which changes the moods of scrooges and lightens the load of life’s vicissitudes.

I’ve always felt this organic change come over me during this special period of the year. I sense a commanding comaraderie and warmth emanating from people who normally seem  inclined to show gruff and negative personalities.

Makes me wonder…

Even warring people pause for their faiths, put on hold the bloodshed and killing at this time of the year.

Is the birthday of a Deity, a Deity Who wore human skin, bled from wounds of the sword, so manifest that it reaches the Souls of all? Even, those who wear their hatred as badges of honor? Is there an arcane flow of Spirituality running through so much of humanity?

Even the political personae seem to sincerely change from the many oratorical duels to pleasant grins of conciliation.

Is it the Christmas carol that speaks to us of a “Silent Night?” That speaks to us of a sacred “Little Town of Bethlehem? Perhaps the words from “Oh, Come All Ye Faithful” reach us in its divine plea!

Of course, I dismiss those believers of ‘from Darkness we come and to Darkness we go’! Dismiss them only because they cannot be reached, convinced that their ‘scientific knowledge’ beats out the ancient Prophets of the Old Testament and John, Mark, Matthew, Luke, Revelations of the New Testament. Though there are days when generational factions compete for their audiences, I hold as firmly as I can onto my Faith.

There are those, too, who languish in their dark prisons, or, lurk the dark alleys of our cities in search of criminal pursuits, those devoid of ‘Sense and Sensibility’…and, in most cases, they cannot be reached.

For the overwhelming numbers of us who wish to believe in a ‘Higher Order’, I can hold my belief that this ‘dynamic’ I feel during this season of giving, of love, is really a harbinger of ‘good tidings’ and a reminder that Love will conquer all.

Billy Ray Chitwood – December 15, 2017

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Family is Everything

Then, there is my writing and/or contemplation on what to write that fills out my aging days, and she is left to her genealogy pursuits…

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Family is Everything

What was I to do? Her birthday was only two weeks away…

What would she want most in the whole wide world?

The question came easily!

So, did the answer!

In all the years we’ve been together, there are two realities that I can attribute to my good and faithful wife… Actually, not! The two has always been in our world, just, one!

Family!

The two possibilities that I often gave over to reflection: Julie Anne was most likely in her previous life a gentle Queen of the British Empire, or, she was a loving pet – perhaps, a beautiful and imperial Balinese cat! That would fit her personality…she is often disguised as an aloof and haughty lady. However, it is shyness in lieu of haughtiness, quiet contemplation in lieu of non-stop talking, and, yet, one can ask her a simple question and she will take the better part of thirty minutes in her answer.

Do I sound judgmental?

Of course, and I tease her a lot about her need to extend her answers to my simple questions.

Then, there is my writing and/or contemplation on what to write that fills out my aging days, and she is left to her genealogy pursuits…at times, it seems that I have pushed her away from long discussions about the political scene and the country changing in its persistent attempt to repeat history’s chronicled mistakes…you know us old timers and our references to the ‘good old days’!

But, I stray, as is my whimsical way!

Nothing makes my Julie Anne more complete and happy than talking long distance often to teacher/daughter (Robin), genealogical/chemical engineer son (Craig), electronic engineer son (Rick), daughter/Therapist (Shelley Jean), mountain man (Scott, shown in the above image with wife, Carla, minus a handsome English Terrier named JoJo), and a PhD of Literature (Brandon)…

WOW! This exercise is really getting out of control!

So, it was soon apparent to me that I would not be able to get all the kids together for her birthday. They are spread all over the country: Utah, Nevada, Arizona, Maryland, Wisconsin, and Minnesota.

As a gesture of love, I’m writing this post for Julie Anne, posterity, and this should take care of any gifts she might be expecting from me. Well, guess I could take her out for dinner…but she doesn’t like me doing the ‘Separate checks, please’ thing!

Some habits die hard!

Billy Ray Chitwood – Being Silly in August, 2017

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