With some shame and omissions, I can honestly say that the mind is a most perplexing combination of stupidity and bright ideas!
“Huh?”
Okay, instead of saying ‘my mind’, I said, ‘the mind’. MY MIND is the perplexing combination of which I write. There are times when I hatch an idea on this laptop and it flows very well for a while until…until the mind is sidetracked with too many different themes coming into play, and they are darn good themes, just mildly disconnected from what I intended for this post.
“So!”
So, I look back over my over 500 post writings and find posts quite similar to the one I’m writing.
“Disconcerting?”
Indeed, because I want to be ‘fresh with what I write.
So, after reading over my 300 or 400 words, I wipe them off, clean and clear of my other posts…but I pushed the wrong button and ended up not only wiping out the post I was writing but the post in front of the one I was writing… Yes, I know, I used ‘I was writing’ twice in a sentence – a mistake because the ’wipe out’ was from exasperation and I went too far back and wiped out two posts… please don’t ask me why and how I could make such a mistake. Suffice it to write, for an ‘old coot’ like myself, I embarrass myself and my wife who reads all my posts and comments, generally always positively to them like a good wife (and writer, herself) should. When she begins her comments negatively, she acts like she’s embarrassed herself.
It’s enough to take an author to ‘drink’!
So, we doubled up that night – meaning we got half-soused on those two ‘hyped-up’ cocktails.
In this post, I wanted to be honest with my readers and let them know it hurts to make this admission…
So, with this post I apologize to readers of my words and their generally wonderful comments. It appears the ‘Writing Gods’ are reminding me of age factors…don’t get me wrong, I can get around rather handily, and it appears that I’m being reminded by some good and wholesome author friends that I should not cease my writing – you know, ‘good for the mind’, ‘good to be active in what you are good at’, and I know they are being kind and generous…some of them have written great reviews of my books – twenty books, in all! Many of my mysteries are fiction taken from actual crime cases.
Now, it would be nice if the readers of this post will join my writer friends and check out my books on my Word Press web site… https://www.brchitwood.com – Just saying!
Some say I should have been a comedian instead of an author.
It Is quite amazing how and why people have the impulse to disfavor you in all kinds of settings – be it a Store, a Movie House, Church, School, sidewalk, a restaurant, anywhere!
Maybe it’s a ‘Social, verbal vitriolic attack because the personal ‘VVA’ remembers the number of times the person ‘has pushed his/her button recently’. Let’s call the ‘VVA’ another name as well, his real name, Lester Hale, the local high school football’s team hero who has shot them to the top of their local Football Division.
As in most cases of ‘Bullying’, the ‘Les’ knows how to sketch the points of where he levels our unsuspecting victim. The most frightening aspect of this ill-guided Teen-ager is that he understands exactly where the key is kept when not being used.
Lester has other problems this day. He watches the kids scratch their heads over the number of police present at the school, checking lockers and classrooms. He also catches the stares from members of the police unit. He is not intimidated by their presence.
He is however eager to know ‘why’ the police presence? The ‘deal’ he has cooked up doesn’t go until the bell rings at 3:15 PM.
Hey, I’m just backing to a few pages of history, and I’m not surprised to find we have had these kids with fouled brains throughout our history. The bastards who get them there have set the tone for their thoughts and their hatred…
Lester is having a marvelous day: he has gotten some real scary faces around him, those who wonder what is coming next from this unregistered member of the ‘KKK’ who has modified their programs of devastation. There is nothing good that will be coming from this group, other than dumbing-down talk and action…their lives, the way they were taught to live them. The kids had a chance, but did they have the positive images of ‘Purple Mountain Majesty’, ‘America the Beautiful’, and ‘A house not divided’ who sang the positive and the beautiful… No, the kids had their music and lyrics written for them by ‘lame duck’ nay-sayers and those shooting the dice for glory and bounty.
cheeksso much to people coming to America, and, somehow, ‘the melting pot’ became a ‘shooting arcade’, a place you can pick a good fight anywhere.
I cannot spend much time with our Governmental successes – certainly, not in the past couple of years, but it seems the young congress ‘modifiers’ – AOC and her group, are making America somewhat of a Pariah Playground…licking their cheeks and taking our money.
We are so close to becoming a country with all the evil forces of the past settling in for Armageddon.
I am not a ‘Doom-Sayer’ but, now an old man, I worry for my kids, grand-kids, and great-grand kids. We have the greatest motivators in our country coming forward, good and honest people. ‘Bite the bullets’ you need to bite, get rid of the ‘losers’, but, please, get our country running again. We have all you ‘red, white, and blue’ power-movers, and one can hope for here in the USA an emerging country and economy – with lots of gas, food stuffs, and some very large bottles of Champagne.
I have written 20 books, 500 blogs, short stories, flash fiction, poetry, and songs…hope you can enjoy some of my work…they are all at https://www.brchitwood.com
“Which side? Which side? What a dumb-ass question… your frontal lobe.”
“Oh, My God! I’m going nuts!”
“Going? You been working on this for some time, dip-shit!”
“Hey, keep it clean!”
“You’re doing the talking, dip-shit!”
“So, I’m going crazy! The ‘Frontal Lobe’ of my brain is talking to me…so, you eavesdrop on everything I think or say. Is that your function? There’s a ‘left’ and a ‘right’ lobe, right? So, what’s your job ‘Lobe-Meister’?”
“Why did I get stuck in your brain? You are a dummy…but, okay, I’m a functionary part of your brain: the ‘left side’ of the lobe controls the right commands; the ‘right side’ controls the left… You’ve never done this before! Why, now? This chat business”?
“’Never done this before’? Hey, Lobe-Meister, this is as new for me as it is for you. It’s not like I requested this meeting…”
“Okay, okay, something is up, and I have to check it out. Are you hurting anywhere?”
“There is a light quaking sound… No pain. Otherwise, I’m sitting here thinking I’m crazy!”
“Don’t take that off the table as a possibility, because I’ve never had this happen before… I will do my ‘due diligence’ and get back to you. For now, go to bed and sleep for hours.”
“Before you go, what’s the difference between the ‘mind’ and the ‘brain’?”
“Huge subject, pardner… The mind can influence the brain, have a ‘mental force’ – check out ‘Neuro Plasticity and The Power of Mental Force’.”
“That’s it? You are leaving me with that? One last thing: Am I going to be hearing from you on a frequent timeline? Do I have a ‘say’ in the matter? If not, please, don’t come at me when I’m making love or out on a date…”
“Sorry, I cannot make any promises…maybe your thought processes will be enough! Bye.”
“Meant to tell you this earlier: your voice sounds really prissy-like…does God include you with every birth?”
“No comment! I said, ‘Good-bye’!”
“Hmmm!”
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BR Chitwood – May 25, 2022
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All 20 of my books with synopses, 500 blog posts, short stories, Flash Fiction, Poetry, and Songs can be found at:
No? I knew him, not so well, some forty years ago…he was a habitue, a devotee, of the Phoenix neon night life, searching for parts of himself he lost along a long emotional road from the hills of Appalachia: lost in an abusive and disoriented childhood; lost in a flawed and impetuous marriage; lost in the glittering promise of booze and women. Yes, I knew him, not so well, as he made all his stumbles along the way, losing not only himself but the connections to family and friends, to the people who loved him.
Yes, of course, I’m the man in the photo, and there’s a lot more to the story…hope you’ll read THE CRACKED MIRROR, Reflections of an Appalachian Son, by Billy Ray Chitwood.
In the end, my story must be like so many others, a story of a simple kid who grew up eating emotional soup and spending a lifetime trying to digest it. There are no spectacular or heroic moments. I’ve been in the United States Navy, but I’ve never fought a war—except the one I’ve declared within myself. So I know not the pain of holding a bleeding comrade to my bosom as he or she gasps the final breaths. I know not the anguish of a parent losing a child in an accident, or, in war—unless losing a child to drugs can be comparable. I’ve loved and been in love, but I’ve never stepped far enough from myself to know the true and natural profundity of its happiness and joy. I’ve been born but never died—unless the demon of the past is segmented death. The prospect of dying scares the hell out of me—not so much the prospect itself, but the pitiful legacy that is left behind. I’ve known insecurity and fear, along with self-confidence, loyalty, and pride. There have been the sins, small enough, I hope, to keep me at least somewhere in the thoughts of those I’ve loved. At times I’ve longed for ‘Nepenthe,’ the drug mentioned in ‘The Odyssey’ as a remedy for grief, the potion used by the ancients to induce forgetfulness of pain and sorrow. But, then, without some pain, can the soul truly seek refuge when the long journey is over?
***
The jail cell brought back sobriety and a stark reality. Sitting on a hard dirty ‘bed thing’ in the dimly lit, tiny barred enclosure, the demon thoughts came and possessed me. My world was disintegrating around me! The claustrophobic cell was my coffin of contriteness, a veritable symbol of my languishing life. There again was the ‘dark closet’ feeling within me, an anxious and suffocating hell! Grabbing at the bars I pitifully called out to the jailer, but no one came. Within the limited space I paced, stopped at the ugly stained wall, splayed my body against it, and tapped my forehead against its roughness. The jailer eventually came. He showed me a smile of compassion and told me that morning would come soon; then, I would be arraigned. The fitful night would pass.
***
It is Time that wears down the acts and deeds of man into something forgettable, mundane, heroic, noble, historical, and unforgettable. It is Time that leads us warily toward the greatest secret of all: That which lies beyond the dark veil!
***
“…There are men like you in the world, Prentice, through whatever kind of intervention, divine or otherwise, who must make us cry and laugh, who record for us the stirrings of the soul which we might otherwise never know.”
…
BR Chitwood
Okay, here I am today, no longer chasing those windmills, still trying to figure out this ‘one foot in front of the other’ thing. There are times when it seems I’m pretty close to figuring out this grand production, but those times are little teaser moments to stir something in the soul — sort of like a dreaded visit to a doctor or dentist, getting the car repaired – feels great when you find out the blood pressure is normal (thanks to a little round pill taken each day), the teeth cleaning and exam present no new cavities, and the car now carries no shameful dent.
All in all, living for some years on the rolling bluegrass hills of lovely Kentucky, a good wife, an aging, lovable cat, great daughters and sons, have given me happiness and joy. Back in Arizona the past still gets in my way at times in inscrutable ways, like a misty longing for something valuable I’ve left behind. I’ve never abandoned my faith, though fragile it might be, and there are many more good days than bad,
With all this said, I’m still writing, still searching…guess that only stops when mortal time gives up on me…
BR Chitwood – April 6, 2022
If you like books of mystery, suspense, action, romance, many of which are inspired by true events, please visit my website at https://www.brchitwood.com – after a short bio, just scroll down the ‘home’ page to preview the books and synopses of each.
Nine of the author’s 20 books shown below… Go to https://www.brchitwood – Website with synopses of all 20 books, over 375 blog posts, short stories, poetry, songs, author info, and BUY SITES AT YOUR AMAZON SITE…
Please visit! You will find some good reading with ‘BUY SITES’, book reviews, et al!
BR Chitwood – Author
April 6, 2022
NOTE:
All books below have 5-STAR REVIEWS on AMAZON!
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If you like books of mystery, suspense, action, romance, many of which are inspired by true events, please visit my website at https://www.brchitwood.com – after a short bio, just scroll down the ‘home’ page to preview the books and synopses of each.
Nine of the author’s 20 books shown above… Go to https://www.brchitwood – Website with synopses of all 20 books, over 375 blog posts, short stories, poetry, songs, author info, and BUY SITES…
Please visit! You will find some good reading with ‘BUY SITES’, book reviews, et al!
Since my mobile and turbulent childhood my head fills with the events and movements of the days, the emotions that come and stay with me until I write about them from some subliminal heart/mind connection the words flow onto the screen of my laptop. I accept them and allow them entry on the page – as though they were destined to be there, an outlet for the subtle joy and pain of the soul…it is my belief that all artistic endeavors come from that similar sort of tingling.
As some subscribers to my blog posts might allow, most of my writing has a ‘Romantic’ cant, from my murder mysteries (some taken from actual crimes) to genres with historical essence, love, poetry, murder, and current events. My writing heroes of the past are many – …Hemingway, Steinbeck, Crane, DeMille, Grisham, to name a few. For Poetry, my favorite is an ex-Priest named James Kavanaugh.
I have written twenty books, their ‘buy sites’, 375 blog posts written over the years, plus poetry and tribute pieces to Arnold Palmer and other notables. That Website/Blog site address is:
You sleep while riding a ‘mare’ or ‘dreaming peacefully’. You awake in a ‘bad mood’, snack on quick and easy ‘coffee and toast’ (too much coffee!), and drive to your job – while your kidneys insist on your quick attention…
You sit at your desk, work menial tasks and have your fanciful day dreams and ‘Romantic Thoughts’…
You think of where you and your soulmate will vacation… perhaps a great resort in Aruba or an Ocean Cruise…
Work ends for the day, and you go for cocktails at your favorite pub with your favorite lady…
At home, feeling guilty, you open your laptop and resume writing the manuscript for your new novel…
You take a break, check your E-Mail. There is your new blog message: “5-Star Reads in most genres – 20 books, some based on true crime, Short Stories, Flash Fiction – some books are related to true criminal events: https://brchitwood.com – Also, Romance and Suspense…”
Ah, c’mon! Take a ‘tour’! There are some great books and writing at this website…
If you are a reader, avid or not, you will enjoy the books’ synopses, blog posts, short stories, flash fiction, poetry.
We drink coffee, eat, go to work, or, retired from the ‘bee buzzing’, we read. go to our computers to display our ‘genius’ and/or idiocy, write blog posts or books, watch crazy news, read, settle into our favorite habits, find boredom preference in our routines…
After all, we are retired, no longer fighting AM and PM traffic…
We become habitual and wary of our existence…
Some political scenarios make us feel so uncertain about our world and day-to-day lives…
I look out the big windows by my office and see a clear blue sky, an inviting sun, a mountain, a pool, a relaxing seating area, and debate with myself whether or not to finish this post – actually, forgetting the original purpose for the post, other than more railing about our unpredictable political structure, the build-up of Russian troops on the border of Ukraine…
Easy decision…
Actually, the world has not changed all that much since I once cared to debate the political stature of our governments, their leaders, and the political tendencies of neophytes who would make our world so much better…
Hell, I’m poolside, not that anyone will be contacting me about anything I care about…
I look at my lovely wife! “Hey, milady, you going to read, play with your laptop, or you coming poolside with me?
*
BR Chitwood – February 3, 2022
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Anyone interested can check out my 20 books, each book with synopsis and buy site, my 275 blog posts, my many Flash Fiction and Short Stories…
So, it seems I shall be ending this fascinating life adventure as I entered it, confounded by the sounds of jubilation and tears, yet, without a kindly grandmother slapping my rear end to bring the breath of life to a reluctant new birth in a small clapboard house in Appalachia, a saw mill hamlet of dirt roads and a railroad spur for bringing logs to the primary employer of most of its scant population of farmers, most of whom were in a prolonged ‘Great Depression’.
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As a man ready for his final destiny, a man with precious little of consequence for the reader who might chance upon these few words I write here, the words will have little historic value or any other kind of value that would perpetuate a useful understanding except for some amusing and pathetic experiences. At best, the words herein have been written by many others facing their final breaths of air on this orbital craft that ended up with the name of ‘Earth’.
So, skipping over my apathetic problems with school and teenage acne, some good buddies, and a couple of young ladies I was too dull and dim-witted to approach, and an early entry into the United States Navy, marriage to a ‘Navy Wave’ with her own confused history, college, teaching, and emotional experiences that not only paralyzed me but would put me on the path of unrighteousness…yes, alcohol and lovely women of the night – indeed, a shameful and wonderful foray into an almost every night ‘Whoop-de-do’.
Mistakes of a shameful quality?
A ‘big time’ Uh-Huh! Years of willful neglect to career and inner peace. Still, it was fun and disaster – now, you know where the phrase came from, wait for it! ‘Honkytonk-Heaven’ or, ‘Neon Madness’.
So much time wasted?
I suppose – but it was my life for a time. Willie Nelson and Julio Iglesias wrote and performed the lyrics and music For All the Girls I’ve Loved Before. It is a song I should have written. In other words, I could not have written a better epilogue for my life.
My good wife of nearly forty years has encouraged me in my writing efforts, always steadfast and loyal. She also with her love and unselfish nature brings a smile to each new day.
Somehow, in the aging process, I found the gift of writing, much of it venting moments of my life.
Twenty books– some based on true crimes, some in different genres, give glimpses into my life…Romance, Mystery, Suspense, Thriller, Sci-Fi, Biography.
Short Stories, FlashFiction., Poetry and over 375 Blog Posts!
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Perhaps, I have atoned for some of my ‘low spots’ in life… Regardless, my writing speaks ‘Truth’, and it is my hope that readers can find in my books not only the joy of reading but some essence of inspiration. All my writing can be found at: https://brchitwood.com complete with synopses and Amazon Buy Sites.
Wishing everyone a happy and frustration-free 2022, with the scourge of Covid and Omicron all in our rearview mirrors.
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